Nagging Neg Nibs
by dantemalfoy
Summary: Draco/Harry slash. Mature themes. George wants to test a new product on the unsuspecting Auror Potter. Chaos ensues.


Harry ruffled his hair, eyeing nervously the stack of parchments in front of him. He still had to write several letters to his colleagues and bosses in the Ministry.

He laid his quill upon the desk when he heard someone knocking.

"Oi, speccy Auror! May I come in?"

"Sure, George." Harry smiled boyishly but then he scowled at the redhead, remembering that project George wanted him to test. "I'm not going to volunteer for your new line of sweets."

George waved his arm airily. "Don't worry, old boy. I've discontinued the sweets that lower inhibitions and force the truth out of people. Was going to call them _'Nagging Neg Chocolates',_ but the name seemed a bit off. Anyway, Ron will have the honour of being…"

"Your guinea pig?" The brunet said as he scrawled his signature on the yellowed parchment.

Whilst Harry was distracted, George took out from the pocket of his robes a seemingly normal quill and exchanged it for the Ministry-approved Quick-Quotes Quill Harry had on his inkwell.

The redhead smirked, realising Harry remained unaware of the change in writing instruments. "Harry, when are you going to ask Blaise out?"

Startled, Harry looked up in alarm at Weasley. "What d'you mean?"

George crossed his arms, feigning an innocent expression that fooled no one. "Well, when I gave you that tea, laced with my new version of Veritaserum, you blurted out you had your eye on a male Slytherin."

Harry rubbed his eyes wearily. "Remind me never to eat anything at your place." He crossed his arms and reclined in his chair, fixing George with a stare that made the suspects he brought for questioning blurt out the truth. Unfortunately it didn't work on the tall redhead. "And no. Zabini isn't my type."

Harry shuffled the parchments. He felt like ordering Kreacher to write them for him, but he knew well the ornery elf's style. Besides Kreacher didn't write that well.

"Not to be rude, George, but what do you want? I still have to do these bloody letters."

George hid his smirk whilst he softly whistled the Weird Sisters' latest hit, _'A cage filled with Animagus lust.'_ He made his way to the door as he said, "Came to invite you over to my apartment. Zabini is coming for a visit, but since you don't fancy him…"

Harry waved his hand at the redhead whilst he closed his eyes, his fingers searching for the quill in his inkwell.

"Ta ta!" said George as he walked out of the room, gleefully rubbing his hands. Finally he would get to test their new product, _'Nagging-Neg Nibs'._ The nibs of the quills were soaked in a potion that supposedly lowered the inhibition of the customers to an alarming degree, according to his partner Lee Jordan. They would make great Valentine gifts for girls in desperate need of flirty suitors, such as Romilda Vane.

* * *

><p>oOoOo<p>

Harry shook his head when the Quick-Quotes Quill didn't function as advertised. He wearily prepared to continue the chore of writing letters, biting his lip whilst he thought how to frame the letter to the Minister of Magic. Taking a deep breath, he started writing on the crisp yellowed parchment.

_Dear Minister Shacklebolt,_

_I'm pleased to inform you the rate of Dark Magic misuse in the London area has decreased. Of course it would fall much lower if you allowed us to use the new laptops with microchips impervious to magic. We sure could use them to search for suspects and to download porn. Unfortunately the Wizarding gay porn I've watched is far too insipid, plus the blokes are not hung at all. Their pricks look like undernourished celery stalks._

_Your presence in the briefings of new Aurors would be welcomed, sir. They are sure to look up to the great Minister. I must say your imposing presence is soothing and your bald head, as smooth as a baby's arse, ought to infuse the rookies with zeal. You should contact George Weasley and have him produce miniature versions of your shiny head to be used as doorknobs in the Ministry. I reckon productivity would climb through the roof._

_Sincerely,_

_Auror Harry James Potter._

Harry folded the letter in the shape of a dragon, making sure to fold the underbelly precisely so, to signify the dragon's erection. He sent it flying to the office of the Minister.

Sighing, he started writing a letter to Minerva McGonagall.

_Dear Headmistress,_

_I'm sorry to decline your offer of the DADA teacher post. I'm far too busy trying to get into Malfoy's pants (and catching evil wizards of course). It's a pity because I've always admired your pluck in battle and your abilities in transfiguration. By the way, I really think you should animate the suits of armour and make them do sultry Kama Sutra poses. A bit of suit-on-suit action would do wonders for the morale of the castle. They could even use their pikes and helmets to do kinky stuff!_

_I have to cut this short because I want to go to the restroom and wank over Malfoy. He looked great this morning when I met him at the lift._

_Your devoted,_

_HJP_

_PS. I'm curious. Did you and Mrs Norris ever do the dirty deed?_

Harry called up a barn owl to deliver the missive to the Headmistress. Since words seemed to flow with the ease of a Jarvey spouting obscenities, Harry scrawled a short note to his fellow Auror Ron Weasley.

_Ron,_

_Are you going to come over tonight? Still having trouble with Hermione? She complained to me about her lacklustre sex life. You should try wearing a kilt whilst she pounds you with a strap-on dildo…. or maybe not. Ginny didn't like it and she left me shortly afterwards. By the way, I caught the Death Eater who tried to hijack the Knight Bus; the stupid sod was hit on the head by flying candelabra._

_Harry_

Coming back from the gents' with an afterglow, Harry wrote a letter to a blond Auror.

_Malfoy,_

_Have you made any progress in tracking the bloke who's attacking hags? You should or he will go after Astoria next. Not that she is ugly or something, I reckon she's just not your type. She couldn't give you head like I would… not limber enough, if you get my drift. I'd Kneazle-lick the tip of your cockhead and then wrap…_

"My lips around your tiny cock. I can deep throat, you know." Draco mumbled, caressing the yellowed parchment as if it was Potter's pale cheek. He stopped reading Harry's letter and squirmed on his chair.

Draco glared at the office door. "If Potter thinks he's going to make fun of my prick and my attraction to him, he's wrong!"

The blond dashed out of his office, clutching his wand. Walking rapidly, he was at the door of Harry's office in seconds. His hand lingered on the smooth, golden doorknob that unfortunately wasn't as soft as the head of the Minister of Magic. He squinted at the dark wood, listening to Harry yelling inside. It seemed as if he was being attacked by Dark wizards.

Draco punched the door with his shoulders and it opened with a bang. He stood at the threshold for an instant, his eyes widening as he saw who, or precisely what, held Harry in a deadly checkmate.

The brunet Auror was being attacked by numerous flying memoranda whilst a dozen clothes hangers closed in on him from all sides, their hooks bending menacingly as they sought a clear space to pounce on the harried Auror.

"What in Merlin's name?" Draco swished his wand and murmured the first spell that came to his mind. Immediately the hangers ceased their many-pronged attack and formed a single row which obediently flew back into the closet.

Harry waved his wand and turned the flying letters into lead which sank to the floor with loud thudding noises. He shot Draco a grateful look. "What spell did you use?"

The blond blushed. "Just a little something mother taught me to order my walk-in closet. What happened?"

Harry scowled at Draco. "I don't know. McGonagall Flooed in and set the hangers on me. She was outraged; I guess she doesn't want the poor suits of armour to have fun! And Shacklebolt ordered the memos to attack me using his authority as the Minister of Magic! You should've seen Ron when he bustled into the room before you arrived."

"What did the Weasel want?"

The bespectacled Auror smiled, recalling the confusing scene. "Was angry about a letter I sent him. Shot out of the room when the hangers flew at him, yelling something about flying spiders!"

Remembering why he'd come to Potter's office, Draco took out the small piece of parchment and waved it angrily in the brunet's face. "Why did you write me this? Are you taking the piss out of me?"

He smirked, wiggling his eyebrows. "Or are you as good with your mouth as you say?"

Harry blushed, rubbing his forehead in desperation. "I swear I don't know why! My other letters were fine; it was only the ones I wrote after George…"

Scrunching up his face, Harry growled. "That bloody ginger wanker! He must have slipped me something, that new product he's going to sell!"

Draco advanced menacingly on Harry, his lips twisting in a sexy leer. "Is it true, Potter? Do you really give good head?"

Harry stepped back until his butt touched the unyielding desk. Looking at the flushed face of the blond he'd yearned to touch for years, he licked his lips. "Depends."

"On what?"

"On whether you're interested."

Draco grabbed the lapels of Harry's robes and leaned forward until his forehead touched Harry's. "I am, most definitely. I'll show you my cock isn't tiny."

* * *

><p>oOoOo<p>

The Aurors rushed out of the Ministry, leaving Harry's letters on the desk. Zacharias Smith would find them and distribute magical Xerox copies throughout the building, setting tongues wagging.

In Harry's apartment, the brunet swished his wand divesting them of their clothes. He whistled when he saw Malfoy's girth. It wasn't tiny at all, jutting from the pale blond bush. Since Harry was acquainted only with the underwhelming erections on the gay Wizarding mags he had on his chiffonier - and Zacharias Smith's tiny prick - he was astounded. His mouth watered at the sight.

Harry felt so horny; he wondered if George's product didn't have aphrodisiac effects too. He felt so needy he just had to have Malfoy inside him.

He grabbed Malfoy's shoulder and led him to the sofa. With his other hand, he Accio'd the bottle of lube he'd bought in Knockturn Alley whilst he kept an unfruitful vigil on Borgin and Burkes.

After Malfoy sat down, Harry opened the vial and upended it on the thick cock, unmindful of Draco's surprised gasp.

Harry sat astride Draco, his tan thighs a stark contrast to the ivory legs underneath him. Harry grunted when he felt Draco's slick cockhead nudging his hole. He reached under his balls to grab the shaft; but before he could sink down on it, the blond put both hands around his waist, stopping his motion.

"Don't you want me to prep you?"

"Don't worry. I already did."

Harry had used a dildo on the bathroom. He blushed, grateful that Weasley's product hadn't forced him to write that down. It would be downright shameful if it ever came out.

Harry held Draco's shaft between his thumb and index as he finally sank down on it. He grunted and lifted his hips a bit as he was spread wider than he'd ever been before. His cock twitched against his abs whilst his rim stretched around the shaft. The sensation of Draco's prick rubbing against his insides made him groan.

He squirmed on Draco's lap, enjoying the stiff pubic hair scratching his buttocks. Harry moaned when the cockhead rubbed something inside him that Smith's truly tiny cock had never reached.

Harry braced his shins against the rough fabric of the tattered sofa and heaved himself up, grunting when the flanged head of Draco's cock stretched his rim anew. He let gravity pull him down and he sank with ease onto the shaft. Looking at his lap, he saw a moist pearl of precome gathered on his purple cockhead. Malfoy swiped his thumb around the glans and gathered the drops, feeding it to Harry.

The brunet knew he wouldn't last long so he put his left arm around Draco's neck, staring intently at the grey eyes darkened with passion as he leisurely rode the shaft.

The blond pushed up his hips and slammed into his tight heat, eliciting moans from Harry that made him pound harder into him. With his left hand, Draco fisted the other man's cock.

Harry bellowed when a powerful thrust rubbed his prostate particularly hard. That, combined with Draco's deft hand made him climax. Feeling the clenching heat surrounding his prick wrested an orgasm from Malfoy a few seconds later.

Too tired to move, the two Aurors lay side by side on the sofa which had been magically enlarged by a sated Harry.

Draco caressed the brunet's sweaty locks. "I'm glad Weasley tested that product on you, Harry. Been dying to get you for years."

Harry stretched luxuriously, wiggling his eyebrows at his debauched-looking colleague. "Well, I'm angry with George. Told him I didn't want to have anything to do with his products."

Draco's lips twitched in a sinister smile. "I can help you with your revenge, Harry. I've been working on a potion that would make any wizard think he is a Veela."

Harry laughed mirthlessly. "So what? Bet George thinks it's the greatest thing ever. He'll be prancing around."

Intertwining his fingers with Harry's, Draco leered. "Not if Weasley is convinced Romilda Vane is his soulmate."


End file.
